Dreamscrolling

I’m in a celebratory mood, and that is a wonder because I’ve been in my head deep these last few weeks.

My wife asked me the other day if I overthink things, and my answer was a resounding but urgent, “YES.”

I had a moment then. Somewhere between the sigh of relief after a confession and the emotional embrace that comes from being seen.

I’m a recovering undercover overthinker, so April was exhausting in every possible way - work, kids, health, bills, admin things. Just the shortlist of things makes me want to steups, but such is life…right? Or maybe it doesn’t have to be?

In this past year of 39, I’ve wrestled with a level of pensiveness that is both a strength of mine and a cross to bear. Jumping into a deep thinking cycle can lead to clarity but still be draining.

May has been a bit of recovery. I’ve found my way back to meditation, and I’ve been more forceful about going to sleep earlier…and waking up earlier too. Eating more fruits, drinking water, taking supplements. Grown up things. Or so I tell myself.

It’s made me put down my phone too. Not for any righteous thoughts about how social media wrecks us and how doomscrolling has taken over our lives. It might be for some, but as someone who has worked in the social media space since 2007, social media mostly brings me joy. It is/was/is a part of my bedtime routine. I’ve been intentional about a timeline cleanse, so it’s been less doomscrolling and more dreamscrolling.

Who knew you’d have to fight your own impulses and the outside world just to ensure that you did the things that made you feel good? To feel rested? To feel at peace?

My battles in recent weeks have been working, and just in time too because it’s my season, the time when Geminis are our peak selves.

In just under a month, I’ll be 40, and I’m ready. Looking forward to entering my ‘too damn old for this shit’ era. It’ll be my license to start and stop doing a lot of things.

For right now, the goal is to start writing more and stop second guessing myself before I hit publish.